This is Now(The Story so Far...)

I wake with a start. Expecting to feel a seering pain running through my bones. Expecting to see doctors staring me down at mine, shining bright lights into my eyes. Then I realize it was all another of my nightmares. That I'm lying in my own bed, wrapped up in my own patchwork duvet, trying to hide from the world and lying on my own damp pillow. I cried myself to sleep last night. The same question is still running through my head 'Why me? This question has been haunting me for the past six months. While I lay in my hospital bed, unsure if I would ever make it home, I tried to think if there was anything I'd done that made me deserve this.  Nothing. I take a glance at my window and fresh snow is falling from the sky, covering the picturesque mountains with children already building snowmen in the meadow. I excitedly rise ready for the long walk up into the snow-capped mountains to meet them, then it hits me. I can't. This is my reality now, my real-life.

I slump back down on my bed and fantasize about my past. Winter days up in the mountains, I would always be the first to arrive at the top after the long hike. I would sit around and wait for the others to arrive, trying to start a fire with the wood I'd collected on the way up. The next to arrive would always be my best friend Skye. We had met in the summer time when we were seven. While I was taking my Yorkshire Terrier pup Scout out for a walk along the river he seemed to appear from out of nowhere. By the end of the afternoon we were sitting on the riverbank, feet dangling in the water, joking around. I ended up walking home dripping wet, I had a cold after that. While we were waiting for the others, Megan, Alice and Jack, he would help me start up the fire. With his help it would be done in minutes. We all brought snacks along to share throughout the day with each other but me and Jack would always bring something extra to eat while we waited. Sometimes I wished it could just be me and him all day. One the others arrived we would spend the rest of the day having snow ball fights and building snow sculptures. As evening fell we would all gather around the fire and toast marshmallows while Jack told us all a ghost story that would keep us awake all that night. Me, Megan and Alice would huddle up together on the log, trying to hide our shaking, while Skye and Jack would joke about it, creeping up on us at every chance they got. All of the people for miles would be able to hear our pathetic screaming. I wish it was still like this.I really want to forget about my past life. The chance of me ever walking again is slim anyway. My days up in the mountains, down by the river are all gone. This is my life now, time to get used to it.

The next time I wake my younger sister Lily is sitting on the edge of the bed. How long has she been there? I wonder for the first time how this has affected her. For the past six months she has had to sit by and watch me fit for my life, had to watch mum and dad worry and watch them cry. She's been pushed to the background, how does she feel about me? But when I look into her eyes all I see is pain and longing. At her age the only clear thought in her head is that she's probably lost her sister forever. Has she?

'Come here' I say and she looks up in surprise
How long has it been since her sister asked for a hug? She hesitates but soon comes forward into my open arms. I rest my head on her shoulder and feel her soft hair pressed against my cheek. She doesn't put her full wait on me, afraid of hurting me even more than I already am.
'I love you' she whispers into my ear and this is enough to break me. I pull her in closer and hold her so close just in case someone will come along and take her away from me. 
'It's okay' she whispers again but she must know, in her heart, that nothing will ever be the same again or maybe she's just trying to stay strong. We stay locked in our embrace a few minutes more before she decides I have to eat. She lifts a tray from the floor and helps me get comfortable. The dish that lays on the tray is plated high with my favorite breakfast treat, pancakes, drizzled in syrup. By the side is a mug of hot chocolate, filled to the brim with marshmallows. I know she made this especially for me. I pat a spare place on my bed beside me and she smiles. It's been a while since I've seen that smile. In the last few months she's grown up so fast. Too fast. I don't think she's has a choice. Only six months ago we spent our evenings in the room we used to share dressing up her dolls and playing imaginary games. I admit I did enjoy doing their hair. I would normally copy the neat braid my sister wears nearly everyday but today her glossy brown hair is loose, kept out of the way by a simple pin. As for my hair it hangs lifeless in a matted ponytail I scrapped it back into yesterday. With deep black hair and pale skin my sister used to call me Snow White. Now I look more like I ghost with the dark circles under my eyes. I spend half the night the night waking up from nightmares bolt upright screaming, screaming at myself.As I eat I watch the snow fall outside my window. I can see some young children making snow angels in the meadow and feel my chest tighten. I'm shocked back into reality when my phone goes off. I glug down the last of my hot chocolate and reach for my phone that's on top of my bedside cabinet. '1 Unread Message' is flashing on the screen.

'Charlie, I was wondering If I could come and see you today? It's been a while.

There's only one person who's still in touch with me, Skye. He visited my in hospital and bought along his I-Pod so we could spend hours just listening to our favourite music. I know that, after my mum told me, he would come and visit everyday on his bike-even. Even when I was in the world of subconsciousness he would sit beside me and talk to me. The only problem is what if he comes to visit and realises how helpless I now am? Maybe it's time he moves on,  finds someone else to ride down to the river with. He always said when I was down that 'Time will heal it, I promise' but, in this case he must realise it won't. I'm about to reply and tell him 'No' when Lily comes in.
'Who was that?' she asks, but she must know but right now I'm trying to make up for the past six months of hardly speaking to her so just reply with one word,
'Skye' but it sounds longing, desperate, desperate to see someone you miss. 
She picks up the change of my voice 'What did he say?'
'He was just wondering if he could come and see me' I reply, trying to disguise the latest change of my tone
'That's nice of him, you haven't seen him for a while' she says happily opening up my wardrobe 'What do you want to wear?'
'Lil...' I say ready to give a full explanation of why seeing him is no good for either of us but I can't continue. How can I just break her heart like that? It would be the first time I've seen any friends in a month now.
'Charlotte you have to invite him over' she sounds so responsible, way older than her small amount of years 'Your pushing him away, he's one of the best friends you could ask for and you know he's probably more than a best friend. You can't lose him now'
I glance up at her and realize she's already regretting her words. I look into her eyes and see in them the worry about what she's just said and all her worries. Have I already upset her? Lost the sister that has been missing from my life for the past six months? Will this make her change her mind? The pain, the worry, everything she's been through and her words actually made sense. I'm pushing away one of the people I care most about in this unfair world. Skye, he must have suffered too. Unbelievably, I've been too blind until now, too selfish to pick up on how everyone seems to have slowly disappeared from my life. I sigh and take a second before picking up my phone, that is now hidden away under my blanket and text Skye.

Of Course!

I type and then glance up at the clock hanging on my wall, 12pm. 

How about 1.30pm? x

I press send and sit and wait for the reply. Lily is already picking through my wardrobe and choosing some things for me to wear: A pair of comfortable black leggings and a simple but brand new purple top that Lily bought me for Christmas. Around my wrist already is a charm bracelet, given to me by Skye almost six years ago for my eighth birthday. Five beautifully designed charms hang on the bracelet with ' Forever' crafted inside the band. Skye decided to finally explain it to me when we were sitting on the river bank with our feet dangling in the fresh water. I was holding the bracelet in my hand, tracing the writing when I decided to ask Skye,
 'Are you ever going to tell me what forever means?' 
He sighed and splashed me with some water but I fought back and sent a wave in his direction 'Fine, fine' I laughed as he finally gave in and told me 'Forever, it means me and you, it means our friendship. Wherever you are you will always be wearing your bracelet so, you can remember when your down, that there's still our friendship'
I was completely in awe of his speech and the reasons behind the bracelet. 
'Were you planning on leaving some time soon?' I asked, sure he was going to admit that he was moving away and that we were never going to see eachother again.
'No, just I wanted to prove to you that we would be this close forever' he had answered me 'You always seemed so afraid someone was going to come along and our friendship would be over'

That was true, I had been so lonely before Skye had arrived at school. I had been an outsider, never wanting to play hairdressers, or house with the other girls in my class. I would have preferred to spend my breaks playing tag with the boys or climbing trees but boys and girls were never allowed to mix at these times. It was an unspoken rule but you just knew. Knowing I would always be able to count on Skye and got to know some of the other girls in my class. I wouldn't have if it wasn't for my mum who, was always worrying about how I didn't have any girls for tea  to do our makeup with a box she had brought me a previous Christmas. It wasn't as if I was a complete tomboy though, I preferred the company of boys. I was happy when I reached Secondary School to have Megan and Alice though. It was nice to have some friends to partner up with in Sports when Skye wasn't there. My phone goes off and I open up the message from Skye.

That's great! See you soon :D x

My mum comes through the door with Megan close behind her. I haven't seen mum so happy since the accident:not the day I was told I'd be fine, not the day I left the hospital, not even on Christmas. She comes over to me and kisses me on the forehead,
'Lily told me Skye's coming up' she says excitedly
'Yes' I reply 'I realized I've been pushing my friends away and I can't risk losing Skye'
Mum seems equally as shocked by my words as I was with Lily's. 'I know you can't' She pauses then hugs me holding me tightly to her chest. I watch the snow that is still falling from my window and realize it's January 3rd already. Term will re-start next week on the 12th, and I will find myself alone in the house for hours on end with my new tutor. At least I have my birthday to look forward too...

So, there's Chapter 1. What do you think?


  1. Hi Sophie,
    It's Abbie from Abbie Piano and I'm letting you that my link is now www.welcometomypalace1998.blogspot.com.

    1. Thank you! I would have missed reading your blog Abbie


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Sophie Louise