Anti-Bullying Blog Week(Final Post) - Wrap-up and Cyber-bullying Advice!

Anti-Bullying Blog Week is coming to an end - and despite being incredibly busy for me, it has gone really fast. It's been so humbling to see all your comments and you've had me just sitting reading my Twitter/Blog or Email smiling, or sobbing over some of your own experiences when you shared them last Wednesday. Also, a lot of other people have got involved and I've heard about everything from a library display based on Andy Robb's 'Coke Bottle Theory' - in which I've also heard whisperings of an assembly based off it; as well as Kate Maryon organising a short-film inspired by the week, which I am unbelievably excited about! I'm hoping to do a lot more to be an advocate for anti-bullying in the future!

 

 

 

Now time for me to thank everyone who has gotten involved! Siobhan Curham, Andy Robb, Natasha Ngan, Sharon Sant, Emma Pass, Cathy Cassidy and Jackie Buckle for offering your advice, support and general-awesomeness throughout the planning of ABBW and this whole week. I feel completely overwhelmed to have had you all involved. My fellow-bloggers - you have been amazing! I can't thank you enough for posting your 'Bloggers on Bullying: My Experience' posts and sending me tweets like Hawwa did saying, 'You just made my cry' and worrying me sick; when all I did was go to check my phone while I was out! Some of the stories I have read about your own experiences have really shocked me - you are inspiring! I mean, all I want to do is make sure nobody as nice as you are made to go through what you experienced again.

 

Guest Post by Jackie Buckle!

 

Hi, my name’s Jackie and I’m the author of Half my Facebook Friends are Ferrets; which is due out in January.

 

Back in the old days... 

 

It’s a long time since my school days so although I remember a bit of bullying, I have thankfully blocked out most of the details. I do remember that it mainly had to do with my spiky white hair, safety pin earrings and lashings of black eye-liner! Yes, this was the 80’s and I was a non-conforming punk. Not conforming can get you into trouble at school. It can get you into trouble with teachers who insist that pink PVC trousers are not part of the school uniform and it can get you into trouble with some of the kids, in particular the non-imaginative ones that like everyone to be the same as them – the bullies. 

 

So what’s changed? 

 

Move ahead thirty years and it seems that bullies are still as prevalent as ever and I guess it’s a fact of life that they will always exist. Now, though, there is a new way to spread the misery. Now we have cyber bullying. 

 

Cyber-bullying can be just as destructive and upsetting as bullying face to face. In some ways it’s worse as it follows you home from school and even into the sanctity of your own bedroom. It affects adults as well as children and because people can be anonymous online they can often say far more hurtful things than they would ever say to your face.  

 

A few years ago I noticed one of my daughters seemed very quiet and depressed. She was about fourteen at the time and in her second year of Secondary School. I often asked her what was wrong but she always said she was fine and for a while she did appear to be happier. Then, washing her jeans one day I found a folded up piece of paper in one of the pockets. The paper was a printout of an MSN conversation and here’s a snippet: 

 

Daughter: I don’t understand why we can’t be friends anymore? 

Other person: Because you’re stupid. I hate you. I never liked you. 

Daughter: I still don’t understand. Can you just tell me what’s changed? 

Other person: Shut up. Just leave it. I don’t like you – get it! 

 

The MSN conversation wasn’t the only thing. There were also nasty comments and pictures posted to her Facebook wall - the usual things like, you’re stupid etc. As mentioned before, bullies aren’t the most imaginative people around. 

 

So what did we do? Perhaps the only good thing about cyber bullying is that it provides you with physical evidence of the abuse. We printed out more of the conversations and confronted the bullies. I’m not saying this is always the best thing to do but in our case it worked. Tears were shed on all sides, apologies were said over and over and never once in all the intervening years have any of the girls involved ever bullied my daughter since. In fact they became firm friends. 

 

So, as much as most of us love social media, it does have its downside. Even without bullying, reading about other people’s “amazing lives” can make you feel down about your own. In my latest book my main character Josh says: 

 

“I haven’t been on Facebook for a while as I was finding it a bit depressing. Everyone is always posting amazingly attractive pictures of themselves in amazingly sexy / macho poses at amazing parties where they are the absolute centre of attention and everyone is having an amazingly epic time.” 

 

I guess we have to remember that our lives on social media aren’t necessarily representative of our real lives. The hurt people can feel through bullying online is all too real though.  

 

At least there is help available now. If you are getting bullied please don’t suffer alone. Childline have a helpline you can CALL.

 

Earlier I said that there will probably always be bullies. I think that’s true but what can change is society’s attitudes to bullying. I think there is already less acceptance of it. People don’t tend to say “It’ll make you a stronger person,” anymore, as they did when I was a kid. We still have a long way to go, but we are getting there slowly. 

 

Take care, Jackie X

Follow on Twitter: @Jackie_Buckle 

Anti-Bullying Blog Week(Day 7): Author Advice with Emma Pass

This is my second post of today; and, also my second Author Advice post. You can check out the first one, where Natasha Ngan, Sharon Sant and Cathy Cassidy all share their experiences of bullying and offer their advice, HERE.

 

Emma Pass' story is one I found so inspirational; I hope you do to.

 

 

 

 

Hi! My name's Emma Pass. I'm based in the North East Midlands, UK, and I write dark, gritty fiction for teens. My debut novel, ACID, a dystopian thriller about a girl on the run from a sinister police force, came out in April this year, and is going to be published in the US next year. I've also just found out it's been nominated for the Carnegie Medal – how insanely exciting is that?! And as if that wasn't enough, I've got another book, THE FEARLESS, coming out next year. I've wanted to be a published author since I was thirteen years old and wrote my first novel in maths lessons, with my notebook hidden under my work. I'm rubbish at maths now… but that’s what calculators are for, right?!  

 

 

When I was a kid, my home life was idyllic. I grew up at an environmental studies centre which was surrounded by countryside, and spent most of my childhood (when I didn't have my nose in a book) roaming through the fields and woods. School was a different matter. I was born prematurely, and as a result, suffer from very mild cerebal palsy. I'm incredibly lucky because it only affects my left foot, but when I was younger I had to have regular operations and wear a leg brace. This made me a target for bullies, not helped by the fact that I was bookish and introverted and interested in stuff that wasn't 'cool'. I got very good at hiding how bad the bullying made me feel, but inside, I was terribly ashamed. What's wrong with me? I remember thinking. Why does no one like me? And because I was so ashamed, and so certain that I deserved this – I didn't tell anyone. Not my parents; not my teachers. No one. The bullying followed me from middle school to secondary school, slowly but surely eroding my self-confidence to nothing. The only refuge I had was words, and I put them up around myself like a wall, dreaming of the day I'd escape. 

 

That day, aged 18, was one of the happiest of my life. Although the after-effects of the bullying took a long time to disappear, I got into art college and finally began to feel comfortable in my own skin. I also became more determined than ever to pursue my ambition to get published. I don't feel angry or bitter towards the people who bullied me; my only regret is that I can't go back and tell my younger self that there was nothing wrong with her, that she shouldn't feel ashamed, and that she should tell someone what was going on instead of suffering in silence for so many years. 

 

Website | Blog | Twitter

Anti Bullying Blog Week(Day 6) - The World from YA Eyes

I want to say a huge sorry to begin with for lack of being around your blogs over the past week; everything has been immensely busy! Although, the reaction to the week has brought so many tears to my eyes and I am so proud to say I am part of a brilliant community - especially one that has supported this project! I've realised though, that I have too many posts just to end Anti-Bullying Blog Week today which is why I have decided this will continue through for a few more days - with my Catching Fire Film Review going up on Monday(be warned, there will pretty much be an influx of reviews that week!)

 

The World from YA Eyes is a feature of mine where I discuss topics that are currently being mentioned; one's that really belong in a futuristic Dystopia. This week, to tie in with #AntiBullyingBW , It's all about bullying!

 

This is a quite a hard post to write - as your first instinct is to go on a rant about what I really think of bullies. Although, this is a discussion post, and I feel it wouldn't be fair unless I was completely honest about it. So, I've decided to go down the route of why I feel people become bullies, if it is ever justified and why I feel it isn't the answer. Before you start shouting at me, just wait until the end!

 

 

I recently was in a position, and if you read the 'Bloggers on Bullying: My Experiences' post you would already know, where I was insulted by the people who I thought were my 'friends.' This is a really hard thing to try to understand, as one minute you were constantly in a conversation and laughing, the next you know you shouldn't say anything as they really wouldn't care. I'm not ever going to say "Bullying is completely justified; I mean, you can't blame people for the way you act" as I will always believe there is a thought-process and most people would know when not to say something offensive. Even so, as these people were my 'friends' I knew what was going on in their personal-lives, and can, in a way, understand why there were so angry, even though I can never recall a time when I have said something to purposefully hurt them. I'm not like that.

 

I feel like the people who decide someone 'is not good enough' - do not have enough self-esteem themselves. It's so easy to imagine them pretending to give off a threatening presence, and to walk the corridors radiating confidence, when really they have horrible home-lives and the only thing that makes them feel good, is to make someone pay for it. To them, I feel it doesn't matter who. They just want to feel that control. Someone has hurt them, they want to hurt them back and they think it will feel good. Whether it is physical, emotional or verbal abusive, bullying is wrong. There is no doubting that.

 

I have so much love for this quote.

 

I can't help but feel that something that needs to happen is that bullies need more support. My guess is you bully someone because you are insecure, and feel, somehow, that they deserve it. There needs to be a two-way street. The people who feel like they are being victimised should feel comfortable to say something, despite threats from the person picking on them. Honestly, do you think these people would scare you into "not saying anything£ if they weren't actually shaking-all-over themselves? 

 

This is why, to stop bullying, I feel we need to offer some-sort of help to those that are the bullies. They do face blame when sometimes they may feel like they have their reasons that nobody else will understand.  I know, after a week of tips for victims, I may sound like I'm contradicting myself. However, if those people who felt frustrated to the point where they want to make those who live a slightly better life feel like rubbish, clearly they need somewhere/someone to go to.

 

I'd like to point out right now, to those that may be out there who are bullying someone, that it is not the answer. Just reading some of the stories that have come out of this week and it can really damage somebody - not just physically. Talk to someone about how you feel. If there's no one at home, try school, if there's no one at school, there are a lot of organisations you can find and I will be posting links on Sunday as part of the Wrap-Up to the week! Let's beat-bullying!

 

Do you agree that some causes of bullying, to a certain extend, can be justified?

Do you feel that people who are bullies should be able to find help, while not feeling the need to give out threats? 

Anti Bullying Blog Week(Day 7) - FYIC Guest Post

Siobhan Curham is one of my favourite UKYA authors; and I have so much respect for the fact she has willingly shared her experiences of bullying, as well as writing a brilliant beat-bullying guide. You can download the novel, Finding Your Inner Cherokee, for FREE by clicking THIS link. I did give it 5 stars on Goodreads...

Anyway, here's a Guest Post by Siobhan herself where you can learn a lot more about FYIC!
 
***
I begin my e-book by talking about the four basic truths about being bullied. These are four truths I wish I’d known and believed back when I was being bullied.  

1. You are not alone 
2. What is happening is not your fault  
3. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about 
4. It will stop and your life will get better 

In this guest post I’d like to focus on TRUTH NUMBER ONE: You are not alone. 

According to UK government figures, 46.8% of young people will be bullied at some point and last year, 38.4% of young people were cyber-bullied. If you are being bullied, you definitely aren’t alone.  The trouble is, facts and figures aren’t much consolation when you’re too scared to go online, or filled with dread at the thought of going to school. So what if almost half of all young people will be bullied at some point? That fact doesn’t stop your pain. But it can go some way to easing it. Let me show you how.  

When I was being bullied I felt so alone. It was as if my world had shrunk right down until all it consisted of was me and my bully, because that’s all I thought about – all of the time. Even when I wasn’t anywhere near him, he still haunted my thoughts.  

 

This is what happens when you’re being bullied. Even when you aren’t anywhere near your bully you can become eaten up with fear, wondering what they’re going to do next. And so you stop thinking about other things – your friends, your family, the things you enjoy doing – and your world becomes a much smaller place. You feel as if you’re the only one going through this. You feel as if everyone else is having a great time. You can’t remember the last time you laughed and really meant it. You can’t remember the last time you woke up and didn’t instantly get that horrible sinking feeling. You can’t remember the last time you went to bed and fell straight into a deep and contented sleep. You feel all alone in your pain. 
 

 

But that fact is, you’re not alone, and if you’re being bullied I want you to see that fact as a tiny seed of hope. It’s the seed of hope that your long-term happiness will grow from. Many, many other people have experienced the pain of bullying. And many, many people have got through it and gone on to lead really happy and exciting lives. Here are just a few of them: Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Sandra Bullock, Tom Cruise, Kate Middeton, Prince Harry, Kate Winslet,  Lady Gaga, Tyra Banks, Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Justin Timberlake and Bill Clinton. 

The people in the above list overcame their bullying and went on to become mega successful actors, singers, artists and even the President of America! They all must have had moments when they just wanted to give up, or felt like there would never be an end to their suffering. But there was, and they’ve gone on to achieve amazing things since. 

 

In Finding Your Inner Cherokee I regularly share what I call power tweets. A power tweet is a statement that, like a tweet, has 140 characters or less, and packs a powerful punch. If you are being bullied and feeling all alone, write down the following power tweet and keep it somewhere you’ll see it regularly as a reminder: 

 

“Other people have got through this – and I will too.” 

 

You will, trust me. Although it might seem really hard to believe right now, what you are going through can actually end up making you a stronger, wiser person and help you lead a richer, more interesting life.  
 

And I am living proof of this truth.

Thank you so much to Siobhan for this snippet from FYIC. I can't tell you how much of a shock it was for me to hear people like Kristen Stewart and Emma Watson were bullied. I mean, they are unbelievably talented and so pretty!