Wednesday

Anti Bullying Blog Week(Day 5) - Bloggers on Bullying: My Experiences

I decided to set aside a day during this blog tour where I would give bloggers the chance to share their experiences with bullying. I know for a fact that by just getting good grades in school and wanting to do well can put you on the receiving end of a lot of not-so-nice comments. I've been in this position; I've never exactly 'fit-in' with the people who surround me on a daily basis. I mean, I love to read and that can be seen as 'un-cool' but, I receive comments about 'having no life.' My argument to that is all the amazing people I have when I turn on my computer that give my confidence a huge boost; the events I get to go to are worth it all as I meet the authors that inspire me to be a better writer.
 
 

The problem though, seems to be me. I don't get comments from people I don't spend time with; instead I get them from the people who are supposed to be my 'friends.' This hurts a lot. To sum it up, there are/were five of us, and I'm always the one left out. I had a best-friend who I spent the time talking to but, sadly she left school. I think anyone who has had a best friend leave school knows how hard it is to ever really fit-in again. I mean, she left in Year Eight - which means I was thirteen and by then, in school, everyone has their groups which you can't just 'join'. What I'm trying to say is, even though having my closest friend leave was good when it came to growing as a person, because I had to talk to new people more, it meant that - and still does mean - I'm the one who is most likely to wander around on her own.
 
More recently though, it has been a case of these four people against me. It's a really horrible feeling to find yourself with nobody to talk to because the people you have spent nights worrying-about have suddenly turned against you and have not a single nice thing to say about you. I've been sworn at by them, and had so many different insults: spaz, retard, you-have-no-life, nerd and various one's that I can't say because I'm not the biggest fan of swearing.

If being 'picked on' has helped me in any way, I know better than to call someone a 'retard' or a 'spaz' as it's so shallow. I've also had times where these people would accidently touch my pencil case, or rub shoulders with me and they would start going "I TOUCHED HER! EW, EW, EW!" I'd say that is the one thing I hate the most. There's no reason for it; just that they feel they have a right to say/do those things. I don't know why, when I never say anything to them that would make them feel down. If I did, I know they would come back a lot stronger than I was! There has also been a time recently when these 'friends' of mine felt the need to go and complain about me - for doing absolutely nothing. I spent the whole day upset and hiding away in whatever teachers' room I could stay in.

 I was having lunch a few weeks ago when someone said, ' You're eating again?' - this hurt. It's not that I was eating a lot either, I think it was to do with another sandwich. I choose not to eat with the group of people I did eat with anymore. There are comments that really do stick-in-your-heard, and times you really feel down. Countless times I've sat there while meals-out, and trips to the local ice-rink or cinema have been arranged around-me. I've been told bluntly "I'm not coming" so, had to spend the night in watching all the pictures being posted onto Facebook. I did take it into my hands to Block these people...as they do seem to hate me.
 
I've had to grow-up around not-fitting-in, having comments made about me and being laughed at. I've had to deal with comments even from teachers(as I spent a lot of time off school when I was younger with a few small health-problems). I went through times of feeling the need to fit-in badly, and wanting to be part of the 'cool-group' as these were the people who never did have a hard time. Although one thing I've told myself time-after-time is that, on Results Day, I'll be the one smiling. I think that's the one thing everyone needs, something to aim for and work towards. As well as blogging, or a hobby where it's your turn to give and receive comments that you like to get. Honestly, though, I feel like I have never been 'bullied' exactly, more just the type of person that has never wanted to follow the crowd but to just be myself and have nobody change that. Yes, I've been insulted but, slowly I'm learning to deal with it. I can't say I've been bullied though because, I know people that have been through much, much worse. I feel like the people who are mean to me drive me to do better, as I'm more determined to make sure I show them what I can do.
 
One day, I will look them in the eye and say, 'Thanks for never inviting me out with you, and putting me down, because I had the time to write this' *holds up book* I was actually listening to the conservation my old 'friends' were having today and was thankful to be sitting on the outside.

8 comments:

  1. Wow! What a powerful, moving and beautifully written post. I love the way you're using the negative things that have happened to you to inspire you to achieve more. I for one feel proud to know you - and I'm so impressed by all you've done for Anti-Bullying Week :)

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    1. Thank you so, so much Siobhan! All I want to do is show them I am good-enough! I hope this week reaches the right people and THANK YOU for all your help too! :D
      -Sophie

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  2. Grrrrr "friends" like that are worse than actual bullies because you expect to feel appreciated and safe with people you class as friends! So sorry you have to put up with that, I know exactly what it feels like and it is NOT your fault in anyway. It's these people that have the problem because they have no idea what they want to do or who they are and because you do, they're threatened by that. Keep on being awesome, Sophie because we appreciate you :D

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    1. I completely agree with you, and thanks Rebekah! I'm sorry YOU know what it feels like; it's probably the worst feeling to be hated by your friends.
      OK, so you're almost making me cry here....!
      -Sophie :)

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  3. Sophie I'm really sorry this has happened to you and having experienced much the same, I totally get how you feel. I also like to think that at least while they are being shallow and horrible, I'll be making something of myself - hopefully a novel. I don't understand why people wouldn't like you because your so lovely and I wish we got to meet in person. We all think you rock x

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    1. Aw, thank you, Sunny! You're so lovely too! One day we will meet-up...and you'll be singing a copy of your novel!
      -Sophie

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  4. I can't say I know what you mean as that would be lying. I'm incredibly, incredibly fortunately to go to a school where a group of us are completely nerdy and fandom-obsessed and yet not bullied for it... however, I can say that what has happened to you sounds a heck of a lot like some of the characters I've read about in a lot of YA novels. And the "friends" and bullies also sound like characters I've read about... so I just really hope you keep ignoring them and I hope even more you understand how much the blogging world loves you. :)

    This was such a beautifully-written motivating and uplifting post Sophie; I adore how you're using these past experiences to see the positives and I'm sure as hell you'll be holding that published novel one day. ;)

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    1. I wish I went to your school! There are people who are huge fandom-obsessed people but, it can be difficult to make friends around the place! Thank you so, so much Ruby! Seriously, this comment has made my day/night(it's 12am!)

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read - and comment on - this blog post! I read and reply to every comment, so feel free to ask any questions and I'll answer!

See you soon!

Sophie Louise