As a Year Ten pupil, I'm currently in the middle of my first year of GCSE stress. Admittedly, I love the subjects I chose to take: Media Studies, History and Food and Nutrition, and these are the hours I adore when in school, but I can't help but still be stressed. The fact remains that I'm realising I have hardly anytime left in school; and this is the hardest to comprehend. Not the endless updates on grades showing I'm doing okay, or the Maths past-papers every week(I saw the homework coming), or the amount of revision I'm now doing, but the way everything I do now matters. I'm realising that, if I stumble and fall now, it could potentially effect my career, and my future. This alone is an incredibly scary thought. Recently, I was looking at College courses, and I felt ready, searching through everything. Then I saw what I needed to get in and thought, "I will never manage a B Grade in Maths" as I'm absolutely awful. I'm hoping to scrape a C!
I didn't write this post to worry you, though! Instead, I wrote it as sometimes you just need to type until your fingers ache about the things that are on your mind; and school is that 'thing' every day - to the point where all my dream seem to be set in my school. They used to be a little more exciting, finding myself in the Hunger Games twice definitely fits that description, but I'm now pretty sure that GCSEs are taking over my life. My existence, even. The revision hasn't even started yet! There is homework, and there are the revision sessions, and those I'm not finding as bad(so far). I don't mind attending revision-classes as these are probably doing more for me than the TV shows I would be watching at home. Although, just like a lot of bloggers I know, and have been moaning to on Twitter, I have horribly high expectations of myself. All the pressure that's there is not from my parents or my peers; it' s from me. As I always have to be perfect at everything. When doing GCSEs this is such a hard-task. To do every piece of work perfectly and to complete every test and CAT(Controlled Assessment Task) without error, is impossible. Putting pressure on myself is currently the biggest problem I'm having to face.
Although, wanting to do well is not a bad thing at all. I think it's good to be determined to get good grades; as this is the aspect that makes you pick up those revision-sheets and revise! Even so, knowing there are just so many exams in a few months time makes me realise that it's going to be really hard to get high-grades in every one. I'm also the biggest worrier in terms of exams and that means I'll be sleep deprived to co-exist with the stress. There must be a fear of failure. Wait, there is: Atychiphobia. Is it only me that thinks that pressure just makes you achieve less? Let's use an example of a recent English CAT, where I knew what I was expected to get, and sat there for hours trying to plan it, as I had writer's block. For a girl who loves to write, knowing that I needed it to be at a certain level meant that I couldn't write.
On the plus side, the coursework and homework is not as bad as I though it would be. It's all about meeting deadlines and doing some work and soon, it's done. I've had moments when I've broken down in tears during these past few months, and I have no doubt there will be more, but I've also had some where I've been extremely proud. Other times, I've ended up cracking up laughing because you just have to laugh at how, really, these things are such a small worry in the world, although so important to an individual.
My studying has begun - and with a one-hundred page Science text book to learn, admittedly I'm quite scared. Anyway, back to the books...
If you're currently working towards results, or GCSEs, how are you coping?
Are you suffering from Atychiphobia?
Tell me in the comments!